Hand of God

“Oh, hey! I didn’t see you there… Listen, it looks like this car broke down and my driver is gone. I could fix it myself because I am a manly man, but I do not have the proper tools. Of course, I can always revert to making my own tools out of cactus and live squirrel, but I then run the risk of damaging my large, perfectly sculpted hands. Hands that would caress your blank face until you have a full, body shaking orgasm. I won’t even have to touch your illuminating genitalia; all I have to do is brush your arm with my God hands and you’ll feel like Kate Winslet in Titanic… Before it sank.

Before you arrived, I managed to make a telephone using only a rock and the power of my mind so the towing company should be on their way. While we are waiting, why don’t we engage in glorious penetrations? This convertible muscle car will hop and rattle with our sexual motions. It will resemble those jumping cars the Mexicans drive and I will play the official soundtrack to season two of Mad Men. Don’t worry, I’ll protect you from the heat of the blazing Mohave sun with my sky blue casual jacket. Why? Because I am a sex God, I am a gentleman, and I’m Jon Fucking Hamm.”

Jon Hamm

50 Shades of Hamm

Hand of God

Notes